I have always prefered the company of dudes over women. This aspect of my personality was brought to light this past Friday at the party I threw. At one point, I looked around the room and realized that I was one of about four people out of a group of twenty who had ovaries.
I have always been very fearful of women. There have been several key points throughout my life that have made me not only distrust female relationships, but completely shy away from them as a whole.
When I was in college, I had this very powerful yet tumultuous friendship with a girl named K. Our freshman year, K was raped at a party I brought her to. After that, I felt this misguided maternal instinct to protect her from everything because I partly blamed myself for what happened to her.
K and I did everything together. We drank, we studied, we danced. I told her my entire story, shared the best and the worst of myself with her. Our sophomore year, K tried to kill herself and ended up in the hospital for awhile. I came and visited when I could. I brought her presents and homework assignments, though it destroyed me to see her the way she was.
That spring semester, K ended up sleeping with a boy I was involved with. I had never experienced that kind of betrayal from such a close friend before. Even though I eventually forgave her, that was the beginning of the end for us.
Our junior year, we started hanging out with different people. I had plans of transfering to a different college and was also seriously dating this one guy. I started hearing from different sources that K was dragging my name through the mud and starting rumors about things that I never did. She had also started using all of the deep, personal information I had told her as ammo against me. When I confronted her, she lashed out and deeply, deeply wounded me. I have never heard such nasty things come out of a person’s mouth before that were directed at me, nor do I ever think I will again.
My post-collegiate years have been spent trying to cultivate genuine friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime. Many of these friendships have been created with guys who are like brothers to me.
I think that I have always felt safer around men. Guys are much more direct when they have a problem with each other. They will either yell or punch something or shoot things in a video-game. Regardless of what they do, it is obvious that they are angry. Women are much more calculating. Instead of being confrontational, they will bad mouth you behind your back to other girls.
Society has played a huge role in creating these passive aggressive tendencies in women. We were brought up expecting to be pleasers, all rainbows and sugar and spice and everything nice. We were never fully taught to express negative emotions towards another person. We had to simply suck it up and smile and continue playing house or dress-up.
It’s a shame because I do crave female companionship. It gets a little bit tiring to always be your guy friend’s wingman at the bar, drinking beer and cracking fart jokes. Sometimes all I really want to do is get dolled up, order one of those giant, dayglow colored fruitini drinks, and go dancing to Lady Gaga in heels.