You know he’s a winner if he’ll spend an hour helping you catch your pet rat

One of the less attractive features of my personality is my love for all things rodent. I love mice, rabbits, and especially rats. In college, I owned an albino male named Tar (‘rat’ spelled backwards). I’d let him run loose throughout my dorm room and he made a nest in my underwear drawer, which creeped my mother out to no end.

I recently came into possession of two little girl rats. I didn’t have an adequate cage to keep them in, so I ended up borrowing an old ferret cage from a friend, thinking the bars were close enough together to keep the rats contained. No such luck. Last Sunday, I was awoken at 3am by a furry body on top of my face. I immediately started squealing and flung whatever it was that had been on me across the room, not realizing it was one of my rats. 

Fast-forward to a couple days later. After tearing apart my whole apartment, floor to ceiling, I found that the rat had taken up residency inside of my antique sofa-bed. I tried getting her out by myself with the aid of a water-gun and broom handle, but I needed some help. Luckily, the guy I’ve been seeing recently was nice enough to come over and help.

Now, I don’t normally ask for favors this early on in a relationship, but I was desperate. I was tired of coming home from work and finding rat turds all over the floor. The stupid animal had also managed to tear my curtains off of the wall by climbing up them and toppled over two houseplants. 

So once the Object of My Affection (OMA) arrived, I was beyond relieved. We first turned the couch on its side. While he hit the top of it with the broom handle to scare the rat out, I waited underneath, towel in hand, ready to pounce. After about twenty minutes, we realized this technique wasn’t working. The rat was just running from one end of the sofa to the other, but wasn’t coming out. She was also crapping all over the place and the thought of 1,000 rat droppings inside of my sofa doesn’t sit well with me. Eventually, OMA got the bright idea to turn the sofa upside-down. After he did that, I immediately saw the rat hunched between a few of the springs and scooped her up. 

After the rat was safely in her cage, we went for a bike ride and got dinner.

All in all, it was a really fun evening and it made me glad to see that chivalry is not entirely  dead. I’m not asking anybody to slay dragons for me yet, but helping me catch a rat is a nice first step.


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